An analysis of my results.
This Mid-year results has made me realized a few things. Some of my weaknesses and strengths are shown in this mid-year exams. I was surprised to see my results when it was made known to me during one of the days.
Thus far, i am well on my way to achieving my goal, although i still need to brush up of a couple of things and i still need loads of motivation and support from anybody within my reach. Here is a run-down of my results:
English: B4
Mother Tongue: C5
Maths:C6
Combined Science:B3
Combine Humanities:B4
POA:B3
To go to JC :L1R5: 25 points (Not a chance!)
To go to Poly:L1R4:20 points (Excluding MT)
My aim is to a poly at least. By looking at the number of points i have so far, i wouldnt be able to go a course i sorely desire, life sciences, biotechnology that requires AT LEAST a 14 points, based on last year's JAE. And 9 to 12 points to a course in a poly nearer my home. As you can see, i still need alot of work to do in the next coming months.
This are the results that i at least wish to achieve:
English: B3
Mother Tongue: B4
Maths:B4
Combined Science:A1
Combine Humanities:A1
POA:A1
To go to JC :L1R5: 14 points (possible to go to a decent JC, if i want)
To go to Poly:L1R4:10 points (Jackpot) (Excluding MT)
With 10 points for my Poly entry, i could easily take a life sciences course.
This is my dream results, only in my dreams, coz if this were to happened, good things will come to me....
English: A
Mother Tongue: B
Maths:A
Combined Science:A
Combine Humanities:A
POA:A
You see, i only state a general A grade, it can be an A1 or an A2, it doesnt make any difference. As i said, if this were to come true, my parents are going to give me anything i desire from the bottom of my hearts. ~Haiz~..............
Coming up next, commmenteries of my results.
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
Thursday, May 29, 2003
Personality Tests
Personality Tests
Idealist, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealist are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping other find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individual and to fulfill their potentials.
Idealist are rare, making up no more than 8 to 10 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and thier idealism has given them influence far beyong thier numbers.
____________________________________________________________
Kingdomality- Benevolent Ruler
Your distinct personality, The Benevolent Ruler might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You are the idealistic social dreamer. Your overriding goal is to solve the people problems of your world. You are a social reformer who wants everyone to be happy in a world that you can visualize. You are exceptionally perceptive about the woes and needs of humankind. You often have the understanding and skill to readily conceive and implement the solutions to your perceptions. On the positive side, you are creatively persuasive, charismatic and ideologically concerned. On the negative side, you may be unrealistically sentimental, scattered and impulsive, as well as deviously manipulative. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.
____________________________________________________________
Self Esteem Test-- 65\100
According to this test, you have a reasonably high level of self-esteem. There is, however, still some room for improvement. You seem to experience some doubt about your own abilities, occasional feelings of inadequacy and possibly even question your own self-worth from time to time. Essentially, you sometimes get caught up in a vicious circle; if you believe that you cannot do something, your belief causes you to think and behave in a way that leads to your eventual failure. Although your self-esteem is generally healthy, and some insecurity is normal, it certainly can't hurt to give your confidence a boost. There is a wide range of resources available out there on the subject, why not check them out? You'll certainly see the long-term benefits - increased confidence, better relationships, less anxiety and an overall improved sense of well-being.
____________________________________________________________
About Type A and Type B Personality
According to scientific literature, Type A behavior is characterized by an intense and sustained drive to achieve goals and an eagerness to compete. Personalities categorized as Type A tend to have a persistent desire for external recognition and advancement. They are involved in various functions that bring about time restrictions. Such personalities have a tendency to speed up mental and physical tasks with extraordinary mental and physical alertness. These characteristics make for super-achievers and high-powered people.
Type A individuals can get a lot done and have the potential to really move ahead in the world. But there is a high price to pay. Certain components of such a personality can inhibit happiness and even threaten health. For example, the goals that Type A folks set are often poorly defined and therefore hard to achieve—a perfect recipe for misery.
Type A is also characterized by a general discontentedness and the impulse to be overly critical and demanding, even contemptuous of imperfection, in the self and others. This focus on negative aspects and the accompanying bursts of hostility, impatience result in guilt, remorse and anxiety.
Type A personalities are motivated by external sources (instead of by inner motivation), such as material reward and appreciation from others. Type A folks experience a constant sense of opposition, wariness, and apprehension--they are always ready for battle. And anyone can imagine how this constant (and very exhausting) existence would deplete reserves of contentment and happiness and disrupt personal equilibrium.
Although the literature is somewhat inconsistent because of problems with the conceptualization and definition of Type A behavior patter, it has been linked to higher risks of cardiovascular diseases. The risks seemed to be reduced with intervention aimed at reducing Type A behavior. Indeed, those with a high Type A score would be happier and healthier if they were to file down the jagged edges of their personality. By learning how to control the negative behavior patterns while preserving their drive, Type A people can be successful without sacrificing their emotional well-being.
Type B behavior is usually defined as the absence of Type A behavior. Type B personalities are relaxed and have a laid-back attitude and posture. They are friendly, accepting, patient, at ease, and generally content. They are at peace with themselves and others. They show a general sense of harmony with people, events, and life circumstances. They tend to be trusting. They focus on the positive aspects of things, people and events. Type B folks are self-encouraging, have inner motivation, are stable and have a pleasant mood. They are interested in others and accept trivial mistakes. They have an accepting attitude about trivial mistakes and a problem-solving attitude about major mistakes. They are flexible and good team members. The Type B person is able to lead and be led.
Result: 38\100
What does your score mean?
Your attitude to life is very relaxed and hedonistic. The hostile, aggressive and competitive part of you surfaces rarely, if ever. You are easy and fun to be around. The down side is that you seem to take everything so easy that you might miss on important opportunities. Make sure you are just being cool and relaxed-and that it's not getting to the point that you simply don't care much about anything. Try to put some structure into your life-get organized. Pay more attention to what you are doing and focus
____________________________________________________________
Results of Your Assertiveness Test : 48\100
According to your results on the Assertiveness Test, you seem to be doing relatively well in standing up for yourself. In most day-to-day situations, you possess the necessary skills and inner-confidence to tell others what you need, think or want. There may be the occasional moment, however, when you find yourself hesitating to declare your view on things. Why not take some steps to improve your ability to stand up for yourself, since you've already mastered the basics? You have nothing to lose, but plenty to gain.
____________________________________________________________
Goal Setting Exercise Score: 3 (veryhigh)
You set very high goals on the Goal-Setting Exercise. Although you didn't go so far as to aspire to the impossible, your goals were rather unrealistic. While aiming for the top is certainly not a bad thing, make sure you shoot so high that it leads to frustration or disappointment. Take a look at your approach to goals in career/studies, relationships and everyday life; do you often feel disappointed when you are unable to reach your objectives, or give up when they seem too insurmountable? Stay aware of this tendency and tone it down a bit, for your own benefit. Success takes time and hard work, and is best approached in small, digestible chunks. You can still shoot for the big-time, but break down goals so you can clearly observe your progress. You'll be less likely to throw in the towel when things don't go as smoothly as planned! Remember that success does not come overnight, but achieving your dreams is worth the time, effort, and patience! As Lowell once wrote, "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
___________________________________________________________
Your ACT Self-Profile
The ACT Profile uses reliable and valid methods to assess which personality attributes are prominent for you. Your scores on each of the 11 personality traits are displayed on the profile below. Scores for each of the traits are displayed in percentiles created from a database of professionals, including some from your organization. The center point of the circle equals zero and the four concentric circles mark the 25th, 50th, 75th, and 100th percentiles comparing you to the database of professionals.
1 Helpful (score = 48)
2 Sociable (score = 56)
3 Need for Approval (score = 65)
4 Dependent (score = 69)
5 Tense (score = 31)
6 Rigid (score = 10)
7 Controlling (score = 15)
8 Competitive (score = 65)
9 Conscientious (score = 81)
10 Achieving (score = 40)
11 Innovative (score = 17)
Your ACT Self Profile is a snapshot of your personality. The longest/largest shaded areas show which traits are most prominent and characterize your presence. If, for example, you score 82% on Competitive, it means that 18% of people are more competitive than you are and 81% of people are less competitive. This is a moderately high score compared to other people-higher than four out of five people. A score of 8% on Sociable is a hard sign that you are not a people person, given that 92% of people are more sociable.
You are:
-Motivated to produce high quality results
-Wants to get along with others
-Serious, not often spontaneous
-Disciplined, detail-oriented
-Can work well independently or on a team
-Likes to be noticed and recognized for efforts
-Analytical, prefers to look carefully before leaping
-A perfectionist; may not produce timely results_
-Conservative
-Respectful to others, diplomatic
-Reliable and restrained - not impulsive
-Likes rules and procedures
-Works best in a structured setting
Idealist, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealist are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping other find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individual and to fulfill their potentials.
Idealist are rare, making up no more than 8 to 10 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and thier idealism has given them influence far beyong thier numbers.
____________________________________________________________
Kingdomality- Benevolent Ruler
Your distinct personality, The Benevolent Ruler might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You are the idealistic social dreamer. Your overriding goal is to solve the people problems of your world. You are a social reformer who wants everyone to be happy in a world that you can visualize. You are exceptionally perceptive about the woes and needs of humankind. You often have the understanding and skill to readily conceive and implement the solutions to your perceptions. On the positive side, you are creatively persuasive, charismatic and ideologically concerned. On the negative side, you may be unrealistically sentimental, scattered and impulsive, as well as deviously manipulative. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.
____________________________________________________________
Self Esteem Test-- 65\100
According to this test, you have a reasonably high level of self-esteem. There is, however, still some room for improvement. You seem to experience some doubt about your own abilities, occasional feelings of inadequacy and possibly even question your own self-worth from time to time. Essentially, you sometimes get caught up in a vicious circle; if you believe that you cannot do something, your belief causes you to think and behave in a way that leads to your eventual failure. Although your self-esteem is generally healthy, and some insecurity is normal, it certainly can't hurt to give your confidence a boost. There is a wide range of resources available out there on the subject, why not check them out? You'll certainly see the long-term benefits - increased confidence, better relationships, less anxiety and an overall improved sense of well-being.
____________________________________________________________
About Type A and Type B Personality
According to scientific literature, Type A behavior is characterized by an intense and sustained drive to achieve goals and an eagerness to compete. Personalities categorized as Type A tend to have a persistent desire for external recognition and advancement. They are involved in various functions that bring about time restrictions. Such personalities have a tendency to speed up mental and physical tasks with extraordinary mental and physical alertness. These characteristics make for super-achievers and high-powered people.
Type A individuals can get a lot done and have the potential to really move ahead in the world. But there is a high price to pay. Certain components of such a personality can inhibit happiness and even threaten health. For example, the goals that Type A folks set are often poorly defined and therefore hard to achieve—a perfect recipe for misery.
Type A is also characterized by a general discontentedness and the impulse to be overly critical and demanding, even contemptuous of imperfection, in the self and others. This focus on negative aspects and the accompanying bursts of hostility, impatience result in guilt, remorse and anxiety.
Type A personalities are motivated by external sources (instead of by inner motivation), such as material reward and appreciation from others. Type A folks experience a constant sense of opposition, wariness, and apprehension--they are always ready for battle. And anyone can imagine how this constant (and very exhausting) existence would deplete reserves of contentment and happiness and disrupt personal equilibrium.
Although the literature is somewhat inconsistent because of problems with the conceptualization and definition of Type A behavior patter, it has been linked to higher risks of cardiovascular diseases. The risks seemed to be reduced with intervention aimed at reducing Type A behavior. Indeed, those with a high Type A score would be happier and healthier if they were to file down the jagged edges of their personality. By learning how to control the negative behavior patterns while preserving their drive, Type A people can be successful without sacrificing their emotional well-being.
Type B behavior is usually defined as the absence of Type A behavior. Type B personalities are relaxed and have a laid-back attitude and posture. They are friendly, accepting, patient, at ease, and generally content. They are at peace with themselves and others. They show a general sense of harmony with people, events, and life circumstances. They tend to be trusting. They focus on the positive aspects of things, people and events. Type B folks are self-encouraging, have inner motivation, are stable and have a pleasant mood. They are interested in others and accept trivial mistakes. They have an accepting attitude about trivial mistakes and a problem-solving attitude about major mistakes. They are flexible and good team members. The Type B person is able to lead and be led.
Result: 38\100
What does your score mean?
Your attitude to life is very relaxed and hedonistic. The hostile, aggressive and competitive part of you surfaces rarely, if ever. You are easy and fun to be around. The down side is that you seem to take everything so easy that you might miss on important opportunities. Make sure you are just being cool and relaxed-and that it's not getting to the point that you simply don't care much about anything. Try to put some structure into your life-get organized. Pay more attention to what you are doing and focus
____________________________________________________________
Results of Your Assertiveness Test : 48\100
According to your results on the Assertiveness Test, you seem to be doing relatively well in standing up for yourself. In most day-to-day situations, you possess the necessary skills and inner-confidence to tell others what you need, think or want. There may be the occasional moment, however, when you find yourself hesitating to declare your view on things. Why not take some steps to improve your ability to stand up for yourself, since you've already mastered the basics? You have nothing to lose, but plenty to gain.
____________________________________________________________
Goal Setting Exercise Score: 3 (veryhigh)
You set very high goals on the Goal-Setting Exercise. Although you didn't go so far as to aspire to the impossible, your goals were rather unrealistic. While aiming for the top is certainly not a bad thing, make sure you shoot so high that it leads to frustration or disappointment. Take a look at your approach to goals in career/studies, relationships and everyday life; do you often feel disappointed when you are unable to reach your objectives, or give up when they seem too insurmountable? Stay aware of this tendency and tone it down a bit, for your own benefit. Success takes time and hard work, and is best approached in small, digestible chunks. You can still shoot for the big-time, but break down goals so you can clearly observe your progress. You'll be less likely to throw in the towel when things don't go as smoothly as planned! Remember that success does not come overnight, but achieving your dreams is worth the time, effort, and patience! As Lowell once wrote, "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
___________________________________________________________
Your ACT Self-Profile
The ACT Profile uses reliable and valid methods to assess which personality attributes are prominent for you. Your scores on each of the 11 personality traits are displayed on the profile below. Scores for each of the traits are displayed in percentiles created from a database of professionals, including some from your organization. The center point of the circle equals zero and the four concentric circles mark the 25th, 50th, 75th, and 100th percentiles comparing you to the database of professionals.
1 Helpful (score = 48)
2 Sociable (score = 56)
3 Need for Approval (score = 65)
4 Dependent (score = 69)
5 Tense (score = 31)
6 Rigid (score = 10)
7 Controlling (score = 15)
8 Competitive (score = 65)
9 Conscientious (score = 81)
10 Achieving (score = 40)
11 Innovative (score = 17)
Your ACT Self Profile is a snapshot of your personality. The longest/largest shaded areas show which traits are most prominent and characterize your presence. If, for example, you score 82% on Competitive, it means that 18% of people are more competitive than you are and 81% of people are less competitive. This is a moderately high score compared to other people-higher than four out of five people. A score of 8% on Sociable is a hard sign that you are not a people person, given that 92% of people are more sociable.
You are:
-Motivated to produce high quality results
-Wants to get along with others
-Serious, not often spontaneous
-Disciplined, detail-oriented
-Can work well independently or on a team
-Likes to be noticed and recognized for efforts
-Analytical, prefers to look carefully before leaping
-A perfectionist; may not produce timely results_
-Conservative
-Respectful to others, diplomatic
-Reliable and restrained - not impulsive
-Likes rules and procedures
-Works best in a structured setting
Monday, May 26, 2003
Torn Between Two Worlds.
Torn Between Two Worlds.
I am a product of 2 different cultures. I am a product of 2 different types of families of 2 different cultures. I am a product of 2 different types of families of 2 different cultures of 2 different types of affluence. I am a product of 2 different point of views about both cultures and thier way of life. Im torn between 2 worlds. Im torn between 2 worlds even with my own friends. Is there no way out?
Its difficult being raised under 2 different cultures at the same time. You know me, my parents are mixed. My father's relatives are Chinese, one of my uncle a Buddhist and my aunt, a Catholic. My father was a Catholic who converted into Islam. On my other hand, my mother is a Malay, and im the product of both. Living a person being born out of a mixed family really opens up your mind to greater depths. I lets you look deeper into thier culture and the differences they all have. I celebrate Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, and Christmas. Of course, some might say that you are lucky to celebrate all these festivals with your relatives, but in truth, its tormenting! Youre torn between 2 worlds and you feel like youre nobody, you have no concrete sense of identity. Many people dont feel like what i truly feel.
But the point is that not only im torn between 2 cultures but also 2 different expectations that they have on me. Its hard for me to put it in words, but lets just say, that my fathers side of my relatives, my cousins and all, are very smart. All of them at least went to a Junior College and onto University. Even my father wants me to go to Junior College and i dunno what they would think of me when i do polytechnic. My mother's side however when they reached N level, they are soo happy. So my dilemma is that im the product of both side, if one side only made to N level and the other, University, so i must go to polytechnic right? Its so funny when you think of it. Its an offsetting figure. Compromise.
But then again. When you realized the difference between both and you applied it to friends, it all adds up to a different story. Many of whom i made friends both comes from different races. Youve seen malay student having best friends with only thier Malay counterparts, but i have both from different races. I mixed confidently with both my malay friends and my chinese counterparts. You see, if you are mixed, you better understand thier behavioral patterns and thus you feel comfortable hanging out with both sides. Again its difficult to express the feelings that im feeling right now. Its like youre nowhere in the middle of this and that, with no concrete identity, you feel like youre lost. I feel that if a person is mixed, he or she better understand to a person's need and will be better off judging a person.
Hanging out with friends of different races can be a headache. I never told anyone about this but sometimes it makes me sick, literally. As i say, each of them have different taste and sometimes its not easy to please everyone. Sometimes i feel that im a loser at planning outings. I'm very indecisive at these kinds of things because you have different feeling and urgencies that needs to me met to each of them. Sometimes when one is not happy with the arrangement and i have to change to make him or her comfortable and then the other might not be comfortable. In the end, im the one to blamed, im the one getting all messed up, im the one adapting to your taste, to your... whatever. Im always in the middle of things and im always making a sacrifice.
I have a group of friends closest to me, they are a very dynamic group of people, but sometimes somethings just cannot match. Sometimes, somethings are not compatible. Analyse each of them and you know what i mean. Analyse their dislikes and likes, thier interests and disinterest, anaylse thier daily activities and youll soon realized that i have a group of friends who just couldnt match up against another person when we go to outings of hang around some place else. Somebody will always dislike something that he or she likes and vice versa.
Sometimes i feel that i have too much freedom from my parents, i feel that despite what my friends have been through with thier parents, i feel that im the perfect. A perfect family, no conflicts, no financial constraints. Just living a normal healthy lifestyle, but what about the others, restrictions and constraint decreed by thier parents, a broken family, financial contraints all add up to the formula.
For example, going to a movie need money. Well some of my friends just couldnt afford the tickets and need to be informed weeks in advance, so that he or she could save and watch with us. Their are some who loves basketball, i practically loves the sport but never played them, some of my friends has a passion for the sport that they played everyday, morning to evening, untill they injure themselves. Whats more, they cannot be contacted, because they are simply not at home. Whenever i want to tell them about a study group or an outing tomorrow or the day after, i ended up telling them the last minute and they would blame me for telling them during the last minute and in the end, they couldn't go, because they couldnt save enough money. Again, im caught in the middle. i can adapt, to go or not to go, its thier constraints and limitation that ended me being lonely, because im A OK.
Some may ask, if they cant adapt to you and your lifestyle, why dont YOU adapt to them, since you are A OK, you can easily adapt to them, along with their constraints and limitations. You know what, i did, and many times i did, but i just cant! I ended up sacrificing so much that sometimes i ended up wasting my time, sacrificing myself for them, and i ask myself often, is it worth it? like.... being early to an outing, waiting hours on end till they arrive only to give a pathetic excuse sincere or not i dont know! You think im being selfish? guess not, im being lenient towards these petty action and im the one sacrificing myself for all these, for all just to please everyone. If you cant please everyone, why must you dissapoint them? Sometimes i feel that i just cannot bear anymore. The pain of seeing someone dissapoint or not comfortable when you planned an outing with all your heart and soul and only ended up a disastrous outing. That is my biggest fear.
And thus, that is the main reason why i like the song sung by savage garden. I always listen to it everyday, to remind myself that im not alone.
Savage Garden
"Crash and Burn"
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face they day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
I am a product of 2 different cultures. I am a product of 2 different types of families of 2 different cultures. I am a product of 2 different types of families of 2 different cultures of 2 different types of affluence. I am a product of 2 different point of views about both cultures and thier way of life. Im torn between 2 worlds. Im torn between 2 worlds even with my own friends. Is there no way out?
Its difficult being raised under 2 different cultures at the same time. You know me, my parents are mixed. My father's relatives are Chinese, one of my uncle a Buddhist and my aunt, a Catholic. My father was a Catholic who converted into Islam. On my other hand, my mother is a Malay, and im the product of both. Living a person being born out of a mixed family really opens up your mind to greater depths. I lets you look deeper into thier culture and the differences they all have. I celebrate Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, and Christmas. Of course, some might say that you are lucky to celebrate all these festivals with your relatives, but in truth, its tormenting! Youre torn between 2 worlds and you feel like youre nobody, you have no concrete sense of identity. Many people dont feel like what i truly feel.
But the point is that not only im torn between 2 cultures but also 2 different expectations that they have on me. Its hard for me to put it in words, but lets just say, that my fathers side of my relatives, my cousins and all, are very smart. All of them at least went to a Junior College and onto University. Even my father wants me to go to Junior College and i dunno what they would think of me when i do polytechnic. My mother's side however when they reached N level, they are soo happy. So my dilemma is that im the product of both side, if one side only made to N level and the other, University, so i must go to polytechnic right? Its so funny when you think of it. Its an offsetting figure. Compromise.
But then again. When you realized the difference between both and you applied it to friends, it all adds up to a different story. Many of whom i made friends both comes from different races. Youve seen malay student having best friends with only thier Malay counterparts, but i have both from different races. I mixed confidently with both my malay friends and my chinese counterparts. You see, if you are mixed, you better understand thier behavioral patterns and thus you feel comfortable hanging out with both sides. Again its difficult to express the feelings that im feeling right now. Its like youre nowhere in the middle of this and that, with no concrete identity, you feel like youre lost. I feel that if a person is mixed, he or she better understand to a person's need and will be better off judging a person.
Hanging out with friends of different races can be a headache. I never told anyone about this but sometimes it makes me sick, literally. As i say, each of them have different taste and sometimes its not easy to please everyone. Sometimes i feel that im a loser at planning outings. I'm very indecisive at these kinds of things because you have different feeling and urgencies that needs to me met to each of them. Sometimes when one is not happy with the arrangement and i have to change to make him or her comfortable and then the other might not be comfortable. In the end, im the one to blamed, im the one getting all messed up, im the one adapting to your taste, to your... whatever. Im always in the middle of things and im always making a sacrifice.
I have a group of friends closest to me, they are a very dynamic group of people, but sometimes somethings just cannot match. Sometimes, somethings are not compatible. Analyse each of them and you know what i mean. Analyse their dislikes and likes, thier interests and disinterest, anaylse thier daily activities and youll soon realized that i have a group of friends who just couldnt match up against another person when we go to outings of hang around some place else. Somebody will always dislike something that he or she likes and vice versa.
Sometimes i feel that i have too much freedom from my parents, i feel that despite what my friends have been through with thier parents, i feel that im the perfect. A perfect family, no conflicts, no financial constraints. Just living a normal healthy lifestyle, but what about the others, restrictions and constraint decreed by thier parents, a broken family, financial contraints all add up to the formula.
For example, going to a movie need money. Well some of my friends just couldnt afford the tickets and need to be informed weeks in advance, so that he or she could save and watch with us. Their are some who loves basketball, i practically loves the sport but never played them, some of my friends has a passion for the sport that they played everyday, morning to evening, untill they injure themselves. Whats more, they cannot be contacted, because they are simply not at home. Whenever i want to tell them about a study group or an outing tomorrow or the day after, i ended up telling them the last minute and they would blame me for telling them during the last minute and in the end, they couldn't go, because they couldnt save enough money. Again, im caught in the middle. i can adapt, to go or not to go, its thier constraints and limitation that ended me being lonely, because im A OK.
Some may ask, if they cant adapt to you and your lifestyle, why dont YOU adapt to them, since you are A OK, you can easily adapt to them, along with their constraints and limitations. You know what, i did, and many times i did, but i just cant! I ended up sacrificing so much that sometimes i ended up wasting my time, sacrificing myself for them, and i ask myself often, is it worth it? like.... being early to an outing, waiting hours on end till they arrive only to give a pathetic excuse sincere or not i dont know! You think im being selfish? guess not, im being lenient towards these petty action and im the one sacrificing myself for all these, for all just to please everyone. If you cant please everyone, why must you dissapoint them? Sometimes i feel that i just cannot bear anymore. The pain of seeing someone dissapoint or not comfortable when you planned an outing with all your heart and soul and only ended up a disastrous outing. That is my biggest fear.
And thus, that is the main reason why i like the song sung by savage garden. I always listen to it everyday, to remind myself that im not alone.
Savage Garden
"Crash and Burn"
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face they day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
Friday, May 23, 2003
Hi again.... Gosh im bored....
Hi journal..... im so bored that im resorting to writing my journal about my boredom. This is how bored i am now. Its Friday night, there arent any great T.V Programmes, chat rooms are boring, shopping centers never change and my computer is heating up. Its been a hot day and these past few days, not a drop of rain fell around here, and were are seeing reports of flood in China. My utility bill is sure gonna shoot up through the roof, my family has been using the air conditioner for the past few days, day and night.
American Idol 2 is over, my favourite Clay Aiken lost, Survivor over, exams over, for now and its been a boring day. No one is chatting with me in the chatrooms of my usual hangout, and im sitting ducks listening to Lifehouse.
The band Lifehouse is not bad. I like their songs. Its very meaningful. I never knew the names of the singer nor looked at their faces until recently. My my, they are really young and handsome, even though they have a deep voice and a voice like creed. I always envisioned their faces by hearing their voice. For that particular band, before looking at them, i always thought they have that rock band group looks like Creed or Audioslave, but boy was i wrong! They looked young, mid 20s by my guess, forgot thier birthdates, and they looked handsome, too handsome for a metal band.
Anyway, i just watched Linkin Park's new MTV Video, they sung the song from Meteora, entitled "Faint". It ok, nothing special, no special effects like they used to have in "In The End" and "Somewhere I Belong", but the video suits the theme of the music. Looking forward to broadcasting on tv.
Watched Matrix a week ago. The special effects were mind blowing, but the plot and storyline is a little difficult to understand. There are scenes where i have no idea what they are talking about. I just managed to get the general idea and mananged to scrap a small chunk of the iceberg. Im watching Bruce Almighty, and Finding Nemo sometime next week.
American Idol 2 is over, my favourite Clay Aiken lost, Survivor over, exams over, for now and its been a boring day. No one is chatting with me in the chatrooms of my usual hangout, and im sitting ducks listening to Lifehouse.
The band Lifehouse is not bad. I like their songs. Its very meaningful. I never knew the names of the singer nor looked at their faces until recently. My my, they are really young and handsome, even though they have a deep voice and a voice like creed. I always envisioned their faces by hearing their voice. For that particular band, before looking at them, i always thought they have that rock band group looks like Creed or Audioslave, but boy was i wrong! They looked young, mid 20s by my guess, forgot thier birthdates, and they looked handsome, too handsome for a metal band.
Anyway, i just watched Linkin Park's new MTV Video, they sung the song from Meteora, entitled "Faint". It ok, nothing special, no special effects like they used to have in "In The End" and "Somewhere I Belong", but the video suits the theme of the music. Looking forward to broadcasting on tv.
Watched Matrix a week ago. The special effects were mind blowing, but the plot and storyline is a little difficult to understand. There are scenes where i have no idea what they are talking about. I just managed to get the general idea and mananged to scrap a small chunk of the iceberg. Im watching Bruce Almighty, and Finding Nemo sometime next week.
My exam is almost over.....
My exam is almost over.....
In another few days, exams will be over! But its only mid-year. I still have to go through the ordeal.. Prelims and the big "O". Life is sure fast. Its already May and i feel like i havent gone through March yet. The ironies. Sometimes when you have so many agendas, so many activities and you dont have time to reflect, time whizzes past you like no ones business. Small oppurtunities that come and go were never taken, because we are so caught up with our routine. Well, What can i say.... its 10 am in the morning and ive just woke up and now im eating Uncle Tobys Energy bars for breakfast.I like to have a heavy but quick breakfast. An example would be energy bars! It give you energy all through afternoon and you wont feel hungry fatigue and it comes in small packages! 5 minutes is all you need to eat that tiny bar. All the natural Goodness! Vitamins, minerals, proteins and carbohydrates. Okok Enough. Im getting out of point here.
Anyway, looking back at my performance for this mid year exams, I dont think i would be achieving 3As as ive set my goal for this exam. Maybe 1 would be it. We'll just have to wait and see.
By the way, yesterday the winner of the american idol 2 was Ruben Studded! He's quite good, but i prefer Clay Aiken to be the winner, he has a solid voice and can sing a range of genres. But most importantly, both of them have recording contracts and will be making an album for themself soon. Im gonna buy Clay's album. The votes yesterday was soooo close! Its only like 13000 votes apart! Its the closest votes in history of american idol. Well, Two Thumbs Up for American Idol and im looking forward to the next installment of the programme. Next friday, The Amazing Race 4. That reality programme has been my personall favourite. I just cant wait to see the what has been installed for the contestants. I wonder where they'll travel this time round. Well, you have to wait and see!
In another few days, exams will be over! But its only mid-year. I still have to go through the ordeal.. Prelims and the big "O". Life is sure fast. Its already May and i feel like i havent gone through March yet. The ironies. Sometimes when you have so many agendas, so many activities and you dont have time to reflect, time whizzes past you like no ones business. Small oppurtunities that come and go were never taken, because we are so caught up with our routine. Well, What can i say.... its 10 am in the morning and ive just woke up and now im eating Uncle Tobys Energy bars for breakfast.I like to have a heavy but quick breakfast. An example would be energy bars! It give you energy all through afternoon and you wont feel hungry fatigue and it comes in small packages! 5 minutes is all you need to eat that tiny bar. All the natural Goodness! Vitamins, minerals, proteins and carbohydrates. Okok Enough. Im getting out of point here.
Anyway, looking back at my performance for this mid year exams, I dont think i would be achieving 3As as ive set my goal for this exam. Maybe 1 would be it. We'll just have to wait and see.
By the way, yesterday the winner of the american idol 2 was Ruben Studded! He's quite good, but i prefer Clay Aiken to be the winner, he has a solid voice and can sing a range of genres. But most importantly, both of them have recording contracts and will be making an album for themself soon. Im gonna buy Clay's album. The votes yesterday was soooo close! Its only like 13000 votes apart! Its the closest votes in history of american idol. Well, Two Thumbs Up for American Idol and im looking forward to the next installment of the programme. Next friday, The Amazing Race 4. That reality programme has been my personall favourite. I just cant wait to see the what has been installed for the contestants. I wonder where they'll travel this time round. Well, you have to wait and see!
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Sunday blues
Sunday blues
Ive nothing much to say anyway. Today's group study was an utter failure..... again. Its nothing new. Its been like that since the past month. Only me and and aaron turned up for the group study. Jun Chong god knows where, Zadilah last minute change of plans and Uma lost in action. Cant blame anyone anyway..... mothers day. Today im not inspired to write much. Nothing interesting has cropped up lately. Haizz..... The Sunday Blues.... Im now listening to Savage Garden. I was digging through rows and rows of old cds and some new ones and came across Savage Garden. Great album. Inspirational songs. I still love the band even though the band has broken up. Well well, gotta go!
Ive nothing much to say anyway. Today's group study was an utter failure..... again. Its nothing new. Its been like that since the past month. Only me and and aaron turned up for the group study. Jun Chong god knows where, Zadilah last minute change of plans and Uma lost in action. Cant blame anyone anyway..... mothers day. Today im not inspired to write much. Nothing interesting has cropped up lately. Haizz..... The Sunday Blues.... Im now listening to Savage Garden. I was digging through rows and rows of old cds and some new ones and came across Savage Garden. Great album. Inspirational songs. I still love the band even though the band has broken up. Well well, gotta go!
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
An Analysis of my Academic Performance
An Analysis of my Academic Performance
Can I really get 5 A's for My GCE 'O' Level Exams? Im taking 6 subjects and my goal for my Second Language is a C6, the rest an A. Can i really get all A's?
My parents told me that they'll give me anything i want if i were to get all A's. They have kept their word and its ultimately my choice whether i want to achieve it or not. Realistically speaking, im not a veeeery diligent or a hardworking student. My maths and English are above average, but not enough to get an A. The foundation of these 2 subjects has been somewhat ok. As i said, my parents will give me anything i wish for, ANYTHING!!.
I managed to achieve all A's, this are the list of things that i want:
A Pair of Oakley Sunglasses.
A Pair of Oakley Shoes
A New Set of High-end Computers, my choice.
A New Handphone
Home theater system for the hall
Plasma Tv for the hall
A new wardrobe
A holiday
So far, these are the things that i want if i were to get all A's. But i dunno. The problem is that i dont want to go to a junior college. I fear that if i were to get such a good result, not only i will get a wide range of courses to choose from but also pressure from many sources, telling me to get into a J.C. but i dont to. I just wanna go to a Polytechnic, take a bioengineering course, get a diploma, go ns and off to a degree far from here. I want to take my education step by step. I want a more practical approach to education, instead of books and notes and the endless lectures.
What do you think? Can i achieve my ultimate goal?
Can I really get 5 A's for My GCE 'O' Level Exams? Im taking 6 subjects and my goal for my Second Language is a C6, the rest an A. Can i really get all A's?
My parents told me that they'll give me anything i want if i were to get all A's. They have kept their word and its ultimately my choice whether i want to achieve it or not. Realistically speaking, im not a veeeery diligent or a hardworking student. My maths and English are above average, but not enough to get an A. The foundation of these 2 subjects has been somewhat ok. As i said, my parents will give me anything i wish for, ANYTHING!!.
I managed to achieve all A's, this are the list of things that i want:
A Pair of Oakley Sunglasses.
A Pair of Oakley Shoes
A New Set of High-end Computers, my choice.
A New Handphone
Home theater system for the hall
Plasma Tv for the hall
A new wardrobe
A holiday
So far, these are the things that i want if i were to get all A's. But i dunno. The problem is that i dont want to go to a junior college. I fear that if i were to get such a good result, not only i will get a wide range of courses to choose from but also pressure from many sources, telling me to get into a J.C. but i dont to. I just wanna go to a Polytechnic, take a bioengineering course, get a diploma, go ns and off to a degree far from here. I want to take my education step by step. I want a more practical approach to education, instead of books and notes and the endless lectures.
What do you think? Can i achieve my ultimate goal?
Friday, May 09, 2003
Respect
respect (HONOUR) noun [U]
1 politeness, honour and care shown towards someone or something that is considered important:
You really should treat your parents with more respect.
She has no respect for other people's property (= She does not treat it carefully).
2 when you accept that something which is established or formally agreed is right or important and do not attempt to change it or harm it:
In their senseless killing of innocent people, the terrorists have shown their lack of respect for human life.
She grumbled that young people today have/show no respect for the law.
3 when you accept that different customs or cultures are different from your own and behave towards them in a way which would not cause offence:
She teaches the students to have respect for different races and appreciate the diversity of other cultures.
Respect, another foundation to the formation of friendship. Yet, it is also another important word and principle that i hold on to.
Whether it is respecting your parents, your family, your privacy, your elders or your friends, it means the same thing, to show care. In terms of friendship, it is one of the basic foundation. Respect goes in 2 ways. You have to treat your friend respect in order to get the respect you deserve in return.
Once respect is established, other factors are added in. Trust, companionship, reliability, dependence, and a sense of comfort.
It is good that you treat your friend as a unique individual. It means that they way you behave in front of your friends, the way you talk and the response you give must be unique to each individual and suit his or her needs. Meaning that the way you talk to friend A is different than the way you talk to friend B. If you manage to do this, your friend will feel comfortable in his or her comfort zone and he or she does not have to adapt to your style of communication. He or she will feel special and talking to the person.
It's good to tease your friends once in a while, but teasing has its limits. Make sure your friend feels fine after a good tease and make sure that he doesnt take the teasing too seriously, after all it is just plain fun, no harm done. Make sure that after a good tease comfort him or her that you are not betraying him and make sure that he or she still has that measure or respect for you before and after the tease. Instill confidence towards your friend that you can still be depended on your friends.
1 politeness, honour and care shown towards someone or something that is considered important:
You really should treat your parents with more respect.
She has no respect for other people's property (= She does not treat it carefully).
2 when you accept that something which is established or formally agreed is right or important and do not attempt to change it or harm it:
In their senseless killing of innocent people, the terrorists have shown their lack of respect for human life.
She grumbled that young people today have/show no respect for the law.
3 when you accept that different customs or cultures are different from your own and behave towards them in a way which would not cause offence:
She teaches the students to have respect for different races and appreciate the diversity of other cultures.
Respect, another foundation to the formation of friendship. Yet, it is also another important word and principle that i hold on to.
Whether it is respecting your parents, your family, your privacy, your elders or your friends, it means the same thing, to show care. In terms of friendship, it is one of the basic foundation. Respect goes in 2 ways. You have to treat your friend respect in order to get the respect you deserve in return.
Once respect is established, other factors are added in. Trust, companionship, reliability, dependence, and a sense of comfort.
It is good that you treat your friend as a unique individual. It means that they way you behave in front of your friends, the way you talk and the response you give must be unique to each individual and suit his or her needs. Meaning that the way you talk to friend A is different than the way you talk to friend B. If you manage to do this, your friend will feel comfortable in his or her comfort zone and he or she does not have to adapt to your style of communication. He or she will feel special and talking to the person.
It's good to tease your friends once in a while, but teasing has its limits. Make sure your friend feels fine after a good tease and make sure that he doesnt take the teasing too seriously, after all it is just plain fun, no harm done. Make sure that after a good tease comfort him or her that you are not betraying him and make sure that he or she still has that measure or respect for you before and after the tease. Instill confidence towards your friend that you can still be depended on your friends.
Thursday, May 08, 2003
Darn! Exam is coming!
Darn! Exam is coming!
Its 10.30pm. Im off to bed soon. Ive got exam tomorrow. Yeap, its the mid-year exam. (GROAN)Anyway, mid-year exam is pretty crucial to me coz this year is my final year in secondary school and ill be taking the Cambridge GCE 'O' level exams in november. That exam will determine my future. There is only 2 possibilities... make or break. I intend to make it and make it to the fullest and make i will!! Im treating this mid-year exam as a guage to where i stand in my academic performance, how much effort i have to put in to the respective subjects. Tommorrow will be the first paper of English and my second language. Then the real exam week will come the week after.
Well, ive got nothing to else to say, just wishing myself good luck for the exams and i hope that ill do well and get first in class again. (im not a nerd of anything, its just that........ im me..... I can hangout like punks and skater boys if i want to mind you!!!)
Ive been getting alot of visits recently to my journal. Whoever it is.... thanks for your support. Ive never had this many hits before. And since im getting a lot of hits, im thinking of subscribing. I dunno, i dont have money right now. maybe in the future.
Cya!
Its 10.30pm. Im off to bed soon. Ive got exam tomorrow. Yeap, its the mid-year exam. (GROAN)Anyway, mid-year exam is pretty crucial to me coz this year is my final year in secondary school and ill be taking the Cambridge GCE 'O' level exams in november. That exam will determine my future. There is only 2 possibilities... make or break. I intend to make it and make it to the fullest and make i will!! Im treating this mid-year exam as a guage to where i stand in my academic performance, how much effort i have to put in to the respective subjects. Tommorrow will be the first paper of English and my second language. Then the real exam week will come the week after.
Well, ive got nothing to else to say, just wishing myself good luck for the exams and i hope that ill do well and get first in class again. (im not a nerd of anything, its just that........ im me..... I can hangout like punks and skater boys if i want to mind you!!!)
Ive been getting alot of visits recently to my journal. Whoever it is.... thanks for your support. Ive never had this many hits before. And since im getting a lot of hits, im thinking of subscribing. I dunno, i dont have money right now. maybe in the future.
Cya!
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
Never been so stripped in my life.
Today was horrible. So many bad things happened in school today. Stuff that i just simply couldnt put into words. Im exhausted after coming back from school and i still couldnt believe what has happened today. It just went so fast.
Our accounts teacher was mad at the whole class and was sent downstairs, out into the open space, under the hot sun to meet our discipline master. What happened was that most of us did not complete her homework assigned to us when our teacher wanted it today. So what she did was to send all of us downstairs. She was just about to leave the classroom when some idiot clapped and did a standing ovation just as the teacher left the class. Insolent Fool! She heard the clap and shouted at the class to ask who was the one who did it. No one admitted and thus all of us went down. Insolent Fool! we got a lecture from the discipline master. Since i was the only prefect in the class during that time, I was forced to tell everything what has happened. And so i did. I told everything what happened and what made the teacher so mad at us. I stood in front of my whole classmates while explaning it to him. I felt betrayed, so betrayed and so scared. Luckily i had the confidence to explain everything (since i was trained) and talked normally. But in my heart, it was terrible, i was terrified. Im so scared as what to say next, how my next words might put my classmated in danger.
The whole incident went on for the good 10 minutes under the hot sun. The student who did the clapping finally owned up and the discipline master shouted at him for a while before he shouted at us, telling us that we are the worst Express class he has ever seen, calling us idiots and fools. God! i felt so bad! Ive never been afraid in my life! so stripped off!
Some of us were told to go back to class, including me and as i went back, I just couldnt stand it! The burden inside of me. Being the only prefect in the class, being the only one who could explain everything to the discipline master, being responsible for everyone in class!
I just cannot say anymore!
Our accounts teacher was mad at the whole class and was sent downstairs, out into the open space, under the hot sun to meet our discipline master. What happened was that most of us did not complete her homework assigned to us when our teacher wanted it today. So what she did was to send all of us downstairs. She was just about to leave the classroom when some idiot clapped and did a standing ovation just as the teacher left the class. Insolent Fool! She heard the clap and shouted at the class to ask who was the one who did it. No one admitted and thus all of us went down. Insolent Fool! we got a lecture from the discipline master. Since i was the only prefect in the class during that time, I was forced to tell everything what has happened. And so i did. I told everything what happened and what made the teacher so mad at us. I stood in front of my whole classmates while explaning it to him. I felt betrayed, so betrayed and so scared. Luckily i had the confidence to explain everything (since i was trained) and talked normally. But in my heart, it was terrible, i was terrified. Im so scared as what to say next, how my next words might put my classmated in danger.
The whole incident went on for the good 10 minutes under the hot sun. The student who did the clapping finally owned up and the discipline master shouted at him for a while before he shouted at us, telling us that we are the worst Express class he has ever seen, calling us idiots and fools. God! i felt so bad! Ive never been afraid in my life! so stripped off!
Some of us were told to go back to class, including me and as i went back, I just couldnt stand it! The burden inside of me. Being the only prefect in the class, being the only one who could explain everything to the discipline master, being responsible for everyone in class!
I just cannot say anymore!
Saturday, May 03, 2003
Quote
Quote
Today ive got nothing much to say, though i have one good quote to share with you guys, its about character:
"People are like teabags. You have to put them in hot water before you can know how strong they are."
Pause for a moment and give it some thought. I find that particular quote quite amazing and extremely meaningful.
Today ive got nothing much to say, though i have one good quote to share with you guys, its about character:
"People are like teabags. You have to put them in hot water before you can know how strong they are."
Pause for a moment and give it some thought. I find that particular quote quite amazing and extremely meaningful.
Sunday, April 27, 2003
Paradigm
paradigm noun [C] FORMAL
a model of something, or a very clear and typical example of something:
Some of these educators are hoping to produce a change in the current cultural paradigm.
paradigm shift noun [C] FORMAL
when the usual and accepted way of doing or thinking about something is changed
These two words are very important to me. It is a constant reminder when dealing with friends. When your perspective and impression of a friend changes, that is paradigm shift. It is when the usual and accepted way of doing of thinking about sonething is changed. It can be a good thing, a tightening of friendship and it also be a bad thing, when the bonds of friendship shatters.
I just experience one such paradigm shift this afternoon. Im glad to see the shift, for if it had been otherwise, id surely lose a friend.
This afternoon i planned to have a study group with some of my friend at burger king. Some couldnt make it, so it was just left me aaron and zadilah. I arrived there at 12 in the afternoon, the designated time to start our group study. As always im the first to arrive, big deal. I started my own self study instead of waiting for them. I did my study and i realized that they were all very late. An hour later , none arrived and im still here waiting for them. At that point i was furious and curious at the same time. Curious because i couldnt contact through thier home and furious because none called me to keep me updated about thier whereabouts and why they were late. So i just kept quiet and continued studying. Just then Zadilah called and told me that she couldnt come. Thats fine with me because she already told me that she may not come for the groupstudy the day before. Aaron however still didnt arrived yet and when i called his home, no one answered.
Half an hour later, extremely furious at aaron, i got up and left the place, did some shopping before i head for home. I did some shopping because i was thinking why he didnt turn up for the group study and not even calling me about it. I was also thinking on how to confront him on monday, what should i say to him, in what tone, angry or just plain shouting and idle threats. Its not normal for him to not attend the group study without telling me. I even came up sort of a speech for aaron and that point on, all in mind was boycotting aaron for a very long time. I was getting sick and tired of playing friendship games here, its not fair for me to suffer at bk with absolutely no idea where the guys are and feeling hopeless, and a loner there. Im like being used as a pawn on a grand chessboard. I feel that its time to have my rights to shout at my friends to wake them up from what they were doing to me! Its really not fair for them to say sorry and live on while i basically have to suffer through the whole journey!
Anyway enough of my ranting, I was doing shopping when my handphone rang. It was aaron, finally he called. I answered feeling disgusted, and he immediately apologise for being late ( like that's gonna help) and explained that he got a street soccer match ( what?! Are you out of your mind!?) and he also said that he has told me about it in advance during class that he might be late because of the street soccer match. I froze. Did he? I remember something about that didnt know that the match was gonna take place on that day and time. He then said that he will be coming for the group study immediately. I told him that im leaving but i didnt shout at him on the phone ( i was in a gift shop duh!) but he insisted.
And so i went back, waiting for him and he finally arrived. I kept quiet, for like 15 minutes and then he told me everything about the soccer match, told me that he notified me about this match in advance already. I then realized my mistake. A paradigm shift. It was not his fault for coming late, It was my fault that i didnt paid attention to him and he told me about it that made me angry. And suddenty my perspective change, my impression about him changed. I no longer felt angry towards him anymore, and that paradigm shift saved our friendship. Had i not been a listener when he was talking on the phone, I would not know the consequences.
Paradigm shift
a model of something, or a very clear and typical example of something:
Some of these educators are hoping to produce a change in the current cultural paradigm.
paradigm shift noun [C] FORMAL
when the usual and accepted way of doing or thinking about something is changed
These two words are very important to me. It is a constant reminder when dealing with friends. When your perspective and impression of a friend changes, that is paradigm shift. It is when the usual and accepted way of doing of thinking about sonething is changed. It can be a good thing, a tightening of friendship and it also be a bad thing, when the bonds of friendship shatters.
I just experience one such paradigm shift this afternoon. Im glad to see the shift, for if it had been otherwise, id surely lose a friend.
This afternoon i planned to have a study group with some of my friend at burger king. Some couldnt make it, so it was just left me aaron and zadilah. I arrived there at 12 in the afternoon, the designated time to start our group study. As always im the first to arrive, big deal. I started my own self study instead of waiting for them. I did my study and i realized that they were all very late. An hour later , none arrived and im still here waiting for them. At that point i was furious and curious at the same time. Curious because i couldnt contact through thier home and furious because none called me to keep me updated about thier whereabouts and why they were late. So i just kept quiet and continued studying. Just then Zadilah called and told me that she couldnt come. Thats fine with me because she already told me that she may not come for the groupstudy the day before. Aaron however still didnt arrived yet and when i called his home, no one answered.
Half an hour later, extremely furious at aaron, i got up and left the place, did some shopping before i head for home. I did some shopping because i was thinking why he didnt turn up for the group study and not even calling me about it. I was also thinking on how to confront him on monday, what should i say to him, in what tone, angry or just plain shouting and idle threats. Its not normal for him to not attend the group study without telling me. I even came up sort of a speech for aaron and that point on, all in mind was boycotting aaron for a very long time. I was getting sick and tired of playing friendship games here, its not fair for me to suffer at bk with absolutely no idea where the guys are and feeling hopeless, and a loner there. Im like being used as a pawn on a grand chessboard. I feel that its time to have my rights to shout at my friends to wake them up from what they were doing to me! Its really not fair for them to say sorry and live on while i basically have to suffer through the whole journey!
Anyway enough of my ranting, I was doing shopping when my handphone rang. It was aaron, finally he called. I answered feeling disgusted, and he immediately apologise for being late ( like that's gonna help) and explained that he got a street soccer match ( what?! Are you out of your mind!?) and he also said that he has told me about it in advance during class that he might be late because of the street soccer match. I froze. Did he? I remember something about that didnt know that the match was gonna take place on that day and time. He then said that he will be coming for the group study immediately. I told him that im leaving but i didnt shout at him on the phone ( i was in a gift shop duh!) but he insisted.
And so i went back, waiting for him and he finally arrived. I kept quiet, for like 15 minutes and then he told me everything about the soccer match, told me that he notified me about this match in advance already. I then realized my mistake. A paradigm shift. It was not his fault for coming late, It was my fault that i didnt paid attention to him and he told me about it that made me angry. And suddenty my perspective change, my impression about him changed. I no longer felt angry towards him anymore, and that paradigm shift saved our friendship. Had i not been a listener when he was talking on the phone, I would not know the consequences.
Paradigm shift
Macdonalds
Macdonalds
Today I have nothing much to say, i just wanna tell you one of the many places that i will remember throughout my entire life. It all started at one of the Mac Donalds outlets in Yishun, Chong Pang, in the community club.
One day, after my usual saturday band practice, i was summoned for an urgent committee meeting. Since i was already a treasurer at that time, i was one of the committee. So i was summoned by the teacher in charge and she told me to meet at macdonalds, at the community club on Sunday morning, to my dismay, i had no other choice but to attend the meeting. I knew what the meeting was all about, but i did not know what to expect during the meeting. That meeting was one of my turning points of my life.
I arrived there on time at 8 all the way from woodlands. I was one of the first few to arrive and i thought that maybe i could have some breakfast before the meeting were to begin. So i grab some breakfast. The rest of the members came after 15 minutes and so was the teacher. I finished my breakfast before than and the meeting started.
First it went well, we talked about the band and whats the band's standard and try to resolve some issues that werent so important. After that, we began to discuss about the selection of then new committee for the band. By the way one of my senior was there and soon she handed my the piece of paper nicely folded up and pushed it towards me. I knew what was inside that was SHOCKED to see what is really inside! I unfolded the piece of paper and began scanning through the paper. Inside contained a list of names who had been selected to be a member of the committee. I looked to see who was to be the next Band Major and was shocked and shaken to see the person to be........... me. My stomach churned violently as if someone punched me in my stomach. My heart was pumping wildly as if its gonna come out of my chest. My head throbbed violent upon recieving information from my eyes and deciphering what was it what my eyes were seeing. For the next few minutes, i was speechless. Not a word uttered from then on.
The news was so sudden, as if i could have nearly fainted there. No one told me that i was soon to be the next Band Major. I told myself that this must be a mistake and that their decision is wrong. Me? A Band Major? How could I? What have i proved to them that i could be the next best candidate to take over the job? How could a timid little boy be a succesful candidate in taking over an astounding responsibility? I would be a laughing stock in front of the whole band. " They must be joking" was all in my head all the time during the meeting.
I told the news to my parents and i nearly cried. No... I cried in secrecy, in isolation, behind the shadows for many days. I felt like i wanted to kill myself for being sooo stupid by letting them choose me as a successful candidate.
I was in a daze, and if im not wrong i was sick during one of those periods. I tend to get ill if there is a sudden surge of pressure and stress from a source at such a short time span. I did not know what to do, sleeplessness, restlessness, dreaming all day long was what i did when i recieved the shocking news.
Its been months now and still coping with the life of a Band Major. Although the term is only one year, its THE one year that completely transformed my life forever. Its hard to be a band major. You feel tired, fatigued, you have no sense of freedom around you. Everyday, its a constant struggle for me and everyday, time catches with me. Im always against time because my job is very demanding and requires excellent sense of urgency when doing a duty and an excellent sense of time. Im already sec 4 and its only been like months since i left primary school. In another few months, or in relativity, a few days, i would have graduated from this school. Life is soo fast for me. Too fast for me to cope. The passing of time has lead me to the inability to reflect my life, to reflect myself on what i have done today, yesterday, last week, or last month. There is no time for this and everytime i find time to reflect, its no use for it is already obsolete and we have to move on.
Sometimes i wonder if the things that i do in life this past months since i became a band major has been right for me, my friends or for the band. As i said i dont have time to reflect on this things and i always fear people's opinion and im being sensitive to sarcasm and criticism. No one understands or how one feels to be a band major when he or she criticise and make sarcastic remarks about me. When someone calls me "Band Major" when i did something wrong, or something childish or something stupid, i feel like a bat has hit my face. It pains me to hear that.
The most powerful words, FEAR, HOPELESSNESS, TIRESOME, PRESSURE, STRESS, DEMANDING,
Today I have nothing much to say, i just wanna tell you one of the many places that i will remember throughout my entire life. It all started at one of the Mac Donalds outlets in Yishun, Chong Pang, in the community club.
One day, after my usual saturday band practice, i was summoned for an urgent committee meeting. Since i was already a treasurer at that time, i was one of the committee. So i was summoned by the teacher in charge and she told me to meet at macdonalds, at the community club on Sunday morning, to my dismay, i had no other choice but to attend the meeting. I knew what the meeting was all about, but i did not know what to expect during the meeting. That meeting was one of my turning points of my life.
I arrived there on time at 8 all the way from woodlands. I was one of the first few to arrive and i thought that maybe i could have some breakfast before the meeting were to begin. So i grab some breakfast. The rest of the members came after 15 minutes and so was the teacher. I finished my breakfast before than and the meeting started.
First it went well, we talked about the band and whats the band's standard and try to resolve some issues that werent so important. After that, we began to discuss about the selection of then new committee for the band. By the way one of my senior was there and soon she handed my the piece of paper nicely folded up and pushed it towards me. I knew what was inside that was SHOCKED to see what is really inside! I unfolded the piece of paper and began scanning through the paper. Inside contained a list of names who had been selected to be a member of the committee. I looked to see who was to be the next Band Major and was shocked and shaken to see the person to be........... me. My stomach churned violently as if someone punched me in my stomach. My heart was pumping wildly as if its gonna come out of my chest. My head throbbed violent upon recieving information from my eyes and deciphering what was it what my eyes were seeing. For the next few minutes, i was speechless. Not a word uttered from then on.
The news was so sudden, as if i could have nearly fainted there. No one told me that i was soon to be the next Band Major. I told myself that this must be a mistake and that their decision is wrong. Me? A Band Major? How could I? What have i proved to them that i could be the next best candidate to take over the job? How could a timid little boy be a succesful candidate in taking over an astounding responsibility? I would be a laughing stock in front of the whole band. " They must be joking" was all in my head all the time during the meeting.
I told the news to my parents and i nearly cried. No... I cried in secrecy, in isolation, behind the shadows for many days. I felt like i wanted to kill myself for being sooo stupid by letting them choose me as a successful candidate.
I was in a daze, and if im not wrong i was sick during one of those periods. I tend to get ill if there is a sudden surge of pressure and stress from a source at such a short time span. I did not know what to do, sleeplessness, restlessness, dreaming all day long was what i did when i recieved the shocking news.
Its been months now and still coping with the life of a Band Major. Although the term is only one year, its THE one year that completely transformed my life forever. Its hard to be a band major. You feel tired, fatigued, you have no sense of freedom around you. Everyday, its a constant struggle for me and everyday, time catches with me. Im always against time because my job is very demanding and requires excellent sense of urgency when doing a duty and an excellent sense of time. Im already sec 4 and its only been like months since i left primary school. In another few months, or in relativity, a few days, i would have graduated from this school. Life is soo fast for me. Too fast for me to cope. The passing of time has lead me to the inability to reflect my life, to reflect myself on what i have done today, yesterday, last week, or last month. There is no time for this and everytime i find time to reflect, its no use for it is already obsolete and we have to move on.
Sometimes i wonder if the things that i do in life this past months since i became a band major has been right for me, my friends or for the band. As i said i dont have time to reflect on this things and i always fear people's opinion and im being sensitive to sarcasm and criticism. No one understands or how one feels to be a band major when he or she criticise and make sarcastic remarks about me. When someone calls me "Band Major" when i did something wrong, or something childish or something stupid, i feel like a bat has hit my face. It pains me to hear that.
The most powerful words, FEAR, HOPELESSNESS, TIRESOME, PRESSURE, STRESS, DEMANDING,
Thursday, April 24, 2003
What a day!
Its 10 o'clock and ive just finished my stupid Accounts homework. Ah screw the homework. You know, ive never been sooo tired that even my emotions are are all messed up. I just dont feel anything. Its like youre half angry at yourself and you the other half feeling normal. Its like youre in the middle of nowhere. Im listening to Linkin Park Reanimation DVD audio version and even that cant even lighten my mood. I feel like a loser today.... today ive failedn tomorrow i shall succeed and see the day brightens before my very eyes. Im confident of tomorrow, for it is soo unpredictable and therefore you can think of sooo many wonderful things that you can do with anybody you are with. Live today for tomorrow's a dream. I came back from school at around 6.30 and now its almost bedtime......... how i wish a day has more than 24 hours..... or we dont have to sleep at all and we can use all the extra time of sleeping doing something eles instead. I wanna make this entry a very general one, nothing in particular that i want to talk about today for i have no interest in talking about what had happened today. Its just not worth my time typing it all down.
Saturday, April 19, 2003
Time to review my Mission Statement
Time to review my Mission Statement
1. Be hardworking.
2. Do not judge a book by its cover.
3. Be proactive.
4. Be principle-centered, the best way to get through your life.
5. Set reachable goals.
6. Never take the simple things in life for granted. Do no neglect your friends and love ones.
7. Appreciate other people's differences and see their differences as a great advantage.
8. Go for every opportunity.
9. Do something different everyday no matter how small the action is.
10. Be independent. Relying on your friends all the time just sucks! Trust me.
11. Don't be afraid. Just do it. Don't turn your back for reward is near.
12. Treat every setback as a road to success and greater opportunity.
13. Use momentous moments to reach your goals.
14. Think win-win, for I am a grape.
15. Be a Prioritizer, not a Procrastinator, Yes-man or Slacker.
16. Plan ahead, ba balance. Don't stress out.
17. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
18. Accept challenges. Take risk.
19. Take time to renew yourself, your body, your soul, you relationship.
20. Be a role model in whatever you are at.
21. Your greatest fear can be your best friend if you know them well.
22. Don't worry.
23. Be yourself, reject negative peer pressure.
I think its important to review ones mission statement, so that one will not sway from what he is right now. A mission statement can be a very powerful tool if you utilise them well.
1. Be hardworking.
2. Do not judge a book by its cover.
3. Be proactive.
4. Be principle-centered, the best way to get through your life.
5. Set reachable goals.
6. Never take the simple things in life for granted. Do no neglect your friends and love ones.
7. Appreciate other people's differences and see their differences as a great advantage.
8. Go for every opportunity.
9. Do something different everyday no matter how small the action is.
10. Be independent. Relying on your friends all the time just sucks! Trust me.
11. Don't be afraid. Just do it. Don't turn your back for reward is near.
12. Treat every setback as a road to success and greater opportunity.
13. Use momentous moments to reach your goals.
14. Think win-win, for I am a grape.
15. Be a Prioritizer, not a Procrastinator, Yes-man or Slacker.
16. Plan ahead, ba balance. Don't stress out.
17. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
18. Accept challenges. Take risk.
19. Take time to renew yourself, your body, your soul, you relationship.
20. Be a role model in whatever you are at.
21. Your greatest fear can be your best friend if you know them well.
22. Don't worry.
23. Be yourself, reject negative peer pressure.
I think its important to review ones mission statement, so that one will not sway from what he is right now. A mission statement can be a very powerful tool if you utilise them well.
Friday, April 18, 2003
WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!??
WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!??
This is the second time im writing this exact same journal entry because my computer jammed while i was writing this.
Anyway, im glad that ive chosen this easyjournal service. Alot of improvements has been made and a new subscription services has been provided to people who want to get more from their journal. Im still thinking whether or not to subscribe. The subscription services is quite expensive though...
Back to the real topic that i want to talk about. Its been a long time since i last typed a journal entry. All the past entries has been nothing but song dedications, about me, about my friends whether im angry at them or happy about them or just wishing them well in the future. There are a couple of reasons why i was not writing much this past month. I simply dont have time to do it. All i can do is to have song dedications( which i find it annoying) to reflect about whats happened this past month. It may be very indirect but it means something to me. At least im still thinking about my friends and im not treating my friends like nobody. I have a place in my heart for my friends however close or distant. Friends are the very pillars of our social aspects of life. Without them , we will be like robots, no feeling, no heart. Friends are useful in many ways; physically, mentally, socially, spiritually, and psychologically. But the true meaning of friendship is a rather complex subject with a rather complex answers; an answer that has no definition. Its easy just by hearing the word "friendship" but its difficult to grasp at the meaning. So shallow yet so profound.
In my experience,true friendship involves many things. Trust, responsibility, commitment, hope, understanding, care... you name it and a heart. All this time, ive been hanging out and mingling with my closest friend, but none can come close to me definition of true friendship. That is why i dont have "best friends". I only have very good friends that i can be with and put my trust in them. They help me see a brighter day, they help me bear the burden that ive put on my shoulder, it is they that share my happiness and my misery. But ive yet to find the one true friend that fits my description. Its hard to explain in detail, as ive said that true friendship has no real definition. True friendsip requires experience and many great memories that we can dig in the future.
I cannot say more, since this is the second time im writing this same thing, and its different from the first, because when you are writing for the first time in your heart, you can never recall it again or have that moment when you feel like you want to show your heart to the world. The door opens only briefly.
This talk about friendship brings me to my question. What is wrong with me? What is it that makes soo difficult in finding a simple friend? Not the perfect friend that i wish to have but a simple and trustworthy friend, a friend who can i can trust beyond anybody else. Why is it soo difficult? Is it because we live in a modern world? Is it becuase we are busy with our own lives? Yes, no, maybe?
I really dunno why but there is another question lingering in my mind; are other seeing me as a true friend to them? Or are they as desperate and in the same dilemma as me?
The group of friends that i normally mingle with are fun to be around but i doubt their trust and honesty. There are many occasions whereby we have fun outside, going to theaters, to the mall, to the shopping areas and when im invited to this gathering, i always make sure whether or not im free before saying yes, and when i do said yes, i am actaully making a promise, a pact, a swear, an oath, a treaty that I, Muhammad Jasrie hereby declare that i will be present at the appointed time and place as stated, puntually and without fail under normal circumstances.
Thus far i have been making the promise now and again, but are my friends doing that same thing? Im always the first to arrive at the appointed time and place and im always present whenever im invited to anything. But are my friends doing that? And that is not that, THEY plan i follow but it seems that whenever i plan something or suggested something, an outing for anything it doesnt seemed to be succesful. Im not talking about how it should proceed, im talking about the people present there. You know, im always there first and I have to wait. IT IS I WHO ALWAYS HAVE TO ANTICIPATE THEIR ARRIVAL, RATHER THAN THEM TO ANTICIPATE MY ARRIVAL. What are they? The Queen of England?! It is not fair, simply not fair! My rants can get more worse than this. This is my inner hatred, from the bottom of my heart i dug my deepest hatred that i always fear letting it out.
Whats wrong with me? Am i being too perfect? Do i have anything to hinder this progress of going there punctually? Do i have any excuses for im being late? Most of the time, im always the first i dunno why....
I cannot blame them for being late or making up excuse why they couldnt come to the outing when I was the one PLANNING IT. their excuses can be unexpected at times and sincere so what to do? abandon my principles that i so dearly hold on to ever since i read the book? Or do i make last minute excuses so that i can get my revenge?
This is the second time im writing this exact same journal entry because my computer jammed while i was writing this.
Anyway, im glad that ive chosen this easyjournal service. Alot of improvements has been made and a new subscription services has been provided to people who want to get more from their journal. Im still thinking whether or not to subscribe. The subscription services is quite expensive though...
Back to the real topic that i want to talk about. Its been a long time since i last typed a journal entry. All the past entries has been nothing but song dedications, about me, about my friends whether im angry at them or happy about them or just wishing them well in the future. There are a couple of reasons why i was not writing much this past month. I simply dont have time to do it. All i can do is to have song dedications( which i find it annoying) to reflect about whats happened this past month. It may be very indirect but it means something to me. At least im still thinking about my friends and im not treating my friends like nobody. I have a place in my heart for my friends however close or distant. Friends are the very pillars of our social aspects of life. Without them , we will be like robots, no feeling, no heart. Friends are useful in many ways; physically, mentally, socially, spiritually, and psychologically. But the true meaning of friendship is a rather complex subject with a rather complex answers; an answer that has no definition. Its easy just by hearing the word "friendship" but its difficult to grasp at the meaning. So shallow yet so profound.
In my experience,true friendship involves many things. Trust, responsibility, commitment, hope, understanding, care... you name it and a heart. All this time, ive been hanging out and mingling with my closest friend, but none can come close to me definition of true friendship. That is why i dont have "best friends". I only have very good friends that i can be with and put my trust in them. They help me see a brighter day, they help me bear the burden that ive put on my shoulder, it is they that share my happiness and my misery. But ive yet to find the one true friend that fits my description. Its hard to explain in detail, as ive said that true friendship has no real definition. True friendsip requires experience and many great memories that we can dig in the future.
I cannot say more, since this is the second time im writing this same thing, and its different from the first, because when you are writing for the first time in your heart, you can never recall it again or have that moment when you feel like you want to show your heart to the world. The door opens only briefly.
This talk about friendship brings me to my question. What is wrong with me? What is it that makes soo difficult in finding a simple friend? Not the perfect friend that i wish to have but a simple and trustworthy friend, a friend who can i can trust beyond anybody else. Why is it soo difficult? Is it because we live in a modern world? Is it becuase we are busy with our own lives? Yes, no, maybe?
I really dunno why but there is another question lingering in my mind; are other seeing me as a true friend to them? Or are they as desperate and in the same dilemma as me?
The group of friends that i normally mingle with are fun to be around but i doubt their trust and honesty. There are many occasions whereby we have fun outside, going to theaters, to the mall, to the shopping areas and when im invited to this gathering, i always make sure whether or not im free before saying yes, and when i do said yes, i am actaully making a promise, a pact, a swear, an oath, a treaty that I, Muhammad Jasrie hereby declare that i will be present at the appointed time and place as stated, puntually and without fail under normal circumstances.
Thus far i have been making the promise now and again, but are my friends doing that same thing? Im always the first to arrive at the appointed time and place and im always present whenever im invited to anything. But are my friends doing that? And that is not that, THEY plan i follow but it seems that whenever i plan something or suggested something, an outing for anything it doesnt seemed to be succesful. Im not talking about how it should proceed, im talking about the people present there. You know, im always there first and I have to wait. IT IS I WHO ALWAYS HAVE TO ANTICIPATE THEIR ARRIVAL, RATHER THAN THEM TO ANTICIPATE MY ARRIVAL. What are they? The Queen of England?! It is not fair, simply not fair! My rants can get more worse than this. This is my inner hatred, from the bottom of my heart i dug my deepest hatred that i always fear letting it out.
Whats wrong with me? Am i being too perfect? Do i have anything to hinder this progress of going there punctually? Do i have any excuses for im being late? Most of the time, im always the first i dunno why....
I cannot blame them for being late or making up excuse why they couldnt come to the outing when I was the one PLANNING IT. their excuses can be unexpected at times and sincere so what to do? abandon my principles that i so dearly hold on to ever since i read the book? Or do i make last minute excuses so that i can get my revenge?
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Song Dedication to all my friends
Today nothin much to say, i just wanted to dedicate this meaningful song to all my wonderful friends out there.... here and abroad and a sweet little girl, Jamie whom i chatted with yesterday. Indeed its been a great time chatting with you!
Savage Garden
"Crash and Burn"
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face they day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
Savage Garden
"Crash and Burn"
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild, wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face they day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump, I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
Monday, March 24, 2003
A song Dedication for a special friend of mine in my heart
The Calling
"For You"
I am a vision, I am justice
Never thought that I could love
Living in shadows, faded existence
It was never good enough
Within the darkness, you were the light
That shines away
You're trapped in violence, I can be the man
That saves the day
I'm there for you
No matter what
I'm there for you
Never giving up
I'm there for you
For you
Someone has changed me, something saved me
Now this is who I am
Although I was blinded, my heart let me find that
Truth makes a better man
I didn't notice that you were right in front of me
A mask of silence, we'll put away so we can see
I'm there for you
No matter what
I'm there for you
Never giving up
I'm there for you
For you
For you
Within the darkness, you are the light
That shines away
In this blind justice, I can be the man
That saves the day
I'm there for you
No matter what
I'm there for you
Never giving up
You know it's true
You were there for me
And I'm there for you
For you
For you
For you
"For You"
I am a vision, I am justice
Never thought that I could love
Living in shadows, faded existence
It was never good enough
Within the darkness, you were the light
That shines away
You're trapped in violence, I can be the man
That saves the day
I'm there for you
No matter what
I'm there for you
Never giving up
I'm there for you
For you
Someone has changed me, something saved me
Now this is who I am
Although I was blinded, my heart let me find that
Truth makes a better man
I didn't notice that you were right in front of me
A mask of silence, we'll put away so we can see
I'm there for you
No matter what
I'm there for you
Never giving up
I'm there for you
For you
For you
Within the darkness, you are the light
That shines away
In this blind justice, I can be the man
That saves the day
I'm there for you
No matter what
I'm there for you
Never giving up
You know it's true
You were there for me
And I'm there for you
For you
For you
For you
Monday, February 24, 2003
Im back!!
After soo long not updating this journal, im back again.
Sorry about that, i just dont have the time to update this journal, with soo many going on around me..... school, cca, friends, so many things that i just couldnt keep up with time and contemplate and do some serious reflection.
Anyway... a brief description of whats happening around me.....
School is stressful( no wonder government spends billions on education ) and ive been basically staying back in school till 6 almost everyday! With Singapore Youth festivals coming around the corner, i have no choice but to practice and do my best for the competition. As Band Major, i must set an example and must always serve the band and the members. Thus far, ive been in this post long enough, but ive been contemplating and reflecting...... am i a good Band Major? Have I done my part in contributing to the band? Have I done enough? What will happen during SYF? Are we gonna get a bronze and condemn my life in Northland forever? Questions....... questions that needs answering, yet im unable to see it. How ironic.
I also have remedials everyday coz im doing my 'O' Levels this year and must do my best to aim going to a JC but my target is a Polytechnic. I want to take education life step by step and i want to study overseas and have lots of other great friends from other countries, bring back great experiences and joyous moments while i was there. Life is indeed wonderful. When youre chewing on life's gristles, always look on the bright side of life.
I think my main motivation in doing well is to be able to get the Oakley glasses that i always wanted : Juliet®. Its soo sleek and worn by the X-men, Cyclops. ITS SOOOO COOL. Check it out at www.oakley.com
It cost sooo much, i think about 600++ bucks here in singapore. MUST HAVE IT!! IM OBSESSED BY IT !!!
Raf hadnt been doing too good. I dont want to say anymore.
Sorry about that, i just dont have the time to update this journal, with soo many going on around me..... school, cca, friends, so many things that i just couldnt keep up with time and contemplate and do some serious reflection.
Anyway... a brief description of whats happening around me.....
School is stressful( no wonder government spends billions on education ) and ive been basically staying back in school till 6 almost everyday! With Singapore Youth festivals coming around the corner, i have no choice but to practice and do my best for the competition. As Band Major, i must set an example and must always serve the band and the members. Thus far, ive been in this post long enough, but ive been contemplating and reflecting...... am i a good Band Major? Have I done my part in contributing to the band? Have I done enough? What will happen during SYF? Are we gonna get a bronze and condemn my life in Northland forever? Questions....... questions that needs answering, yet im unable to see it. How ironic.
I also have remedials everyday coz im doing my 'O' Levels this year and must do my best to aim going to a JC but my target is a Polytechnic. I want to take education life step by step and i want to study overseas and have lots of other great friends from other countries, bring back great experiences and joyous moments while i was there. Life is indeed wonderful. When youre chewing on life's gristles, always look on the bright side of life.
I think my main motivation in doing well is to be able to get the Oakley glasses that i always wanted : Juliet®. Its soo sleek and worn by the X-men, Cyclops. ITS SOOOO COOL. Check it out at www.oakley.com
It cost sooo much, i think about 600++ bucks here in singapore. MUST HAVE IT!! IM OBSESSED BY IT !!!
Raf hadnt been doing too good. I dont want to say anymore.
Tuesday, January 14, 2003
Song Dedication 'Simon' by lifehouse
Song Dedication 'Simon' by lifehouse
Catch your breath hit the wall scream out loud as you start to crawl back in
Your cage the only place where they will leave you alone 'cause the weak will
Seek the weaker until they've broken them could you get it back again
Would it be the same fulfillment to their lack of strength
At your expense left you with no defense they tore it down and i have
Felt the same as you, I've felt the same as you, I've felt the same
Locked inside the only place where you feel sheltered where you feel safe
You lost yourself in your search to find something else to hide behind
The fearful always preyed upon your confidence
Did they see the consequence when they pushed you around
The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
Breaking them 'til they've become just another crown
Refuse to feel, Anything at all refuse to slip, Refuse to
Fall can't be weak, Can't stand still you watch your back,
'Cause no one will you don't know why they had to go
This far traded your worth for these scars for your only
Company don't believe the lies that they told to you
Not one word was true you're alright, You're alright,
You're alright
Catch your breath hit the wall scream out loud as you start to crawl back in
Your cage the only place where they will leave you alone 'cause the weak will
Seek the weaker until they've broken them could you get it back again
Would it be the same fulfillment to their lack of strength
At your expense left you with no defense they tore it down and i have
Felt the same as you, I've felt the same as you, I've felt the same
Locked inside the only place where you feel sheltered where you feel safe
You lost yourself in your search to find something else to hide behind
The fearful always preyed upon your confidence
Did they see the consequence when they pushed you around
The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
Breaking them 'til they've become just another crown
Refuse to feel, Anything at all refuse to slip, Refuse to
Fall can't be weak, Can't stand still you watch your back,
'Cause no one will you don't know why they had to go
This far traded your worth for these scars for your only
Company don't believe the lies that they told to you
Not one word was true you're alright, You're alright,
You're alright
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