Paradigm

paradigm noun [C] FORMAL
a model of something, or a very clear and typical example of something:
Some of these educators are hoping to produce a change in the current cultural paradigm.

paradigm shift noun [C] FORMAL
when the usual and accepted way of doing or thinking about something is changed


These two words are very important to me. It is a constant reminder when dealing with friends. When your perspective and impression of a friend changes, that is paradigm shift. It is when the usual and accepted way of doing of thinking about sonething is changed. It can be a good thing, a tightening of friendship and it also be a bad thing, when the bonds of friendship shatters.

I just experience one such paradigm shift this afternoon. Im glad to see the shift, for if it had been otherwise, id surely lose a friend.

This afternoon i planned to have a study group with some of my friend at burger king. Some couldnt make it, so it was just left me aaron and zadilah. I arrived there at 12 in the afternoon, the designated time to start our group study. As always im the first to arrive, big deal. I started my own self study instead of waiting for them. I did my study and i realized that they were all very late. An hour later , none arrived and im still here waiting for them. At that point i was furious and curious at the same time. Curious because i couldnt contact through thier home and furious because none called me to keep me updated about thier whereabouts and why they were late. So i just kept quiet and continued studying. Just then Zadilah called and told me that she couldnt come. Thats fine with me because she already told me that she may not come for the groupstudy the day before. Aaron however still didnt arrived yet and when i called his home, no one answered.

Half an hour later, extremely furious at aaron, i got up and left the place, did some shopping before i head for home. I did some shopping because i was thinking why he didnt turn up for the group study and not even calling me about it. I was also thinking on how to confront him on monday, what should i say to him, in what tone, angry or just plain shouting and idle threats. Its not normal for him to not attend the group study without telling me. I even came up sort of a speech for aaron and that point on, all in mind was boycotting aaron for a very long time. I was getting sick and tired of playing friendship games here, its not fair for me to suffer at bk with absolutely no idea where the guys are and feeling hopeless, and a loner there. Im like being used as a pawn on a grand chessboard. I feel that its time to have my rights to shout at my friends to wake them up from what they were doing to me! Its really not fair for them to say sorry and live on while i basically have to suffer through the whole journey!

Anyway enough of my ranting, I was doing shopping when my handphone rang. It was aaron, finally he called. I answered feeling disgusted, and he immediately apologise for being late ( like that's gonna help) and explained that he got a street soccer match ( what?! Are you out of your mind!?) and he also said that he has told me about it in advance during class that he might be late because of the street soccer match. I froze. Did he? I remember something about that didnt know that the match was gonna take place on that day and time. He then said that he will be coming for the group study immediately. I told him that im leaving but i didnt shout at him on the phone ( i was in a gift shop duh!) but he insisted.

And so i went back, waiting for him and he finally arrived. I kept quiet, for like 15 minutes and then he told me everything about the soccer match, told me that he notified me about this match in advance already. I then realized my mistake. A paradigm shift. It was not his fault for coming late, It was my fault that i didnt paid attention to him and he told me about it that made me angry. And suddenty my perspective change, my impression about him changed. I no longer felt angry towards him anymore, and that paradigm shift saved our friendship. Had i not been a listener when he was talking on the phone, I would not know the consequences.

Paradigm shift